Four days ago, there’s this imperceptible milestone in my life which I unintentionally forgot to celebrate, not because I put less importance on it, it’s just that it is fleeting that it took several days for me to realize it.
It feels like it was just yesterday when I first stepped on the premises of “SunPower”, the company which for seven years embraced me. I could still remember the very day when my naive and ignorant self, first joined the bandwagon of hopefuls, who by the stroke of sheer luck or wits had dared jumping over limits just to catch what we believed then as a dream job.
A dream job; I have longed for it ever since. My simple idea of having a stable source of income, the pure thought of exercising what I learned from college, and my youthful yearnings to later buy this and that, urged me to accept the post that was offered to me by one of the grandest photovoltaic company in my country, or even in the world —SunPower and I was barely nineteen then, so young and full of optimism, sort of I-Can-Do-It-All type of individual.
Being in this company, I have developed a sense of pride as I am one of those who wish to change the way the world is powered. I came to know the goodness behind the mission and vision of our organization, the benefits it wishes to impart for the humanity. And to be a part of it is undeniably a fulfillment, especially for anyone who is a novice in the working world.
I have started pretty awesome, competitive and most of all positive towards attaining my goal: to be successful. I aimed to have a position in the training department as it was the only place I felt throwing myself into. I felt I was designed for that job. And considering my position then and my technical background, it would be a big leap if ever. However, things aren’t as easy as I have imagined. I realized that the personal development fiber etched on my character wasn’t enough to counter attack those hindrances I’m about to face. When shoved in the sphere of battle, of daunting competition, I got myself embroiled in the dilemma of trusting myself and so my capabilities. I got intimidated. I felt small against those contenders of mine. That overriding fear of rejection that lurks in my system consumed me and killed my dream. It’s then that I refused to try, shied away and joined another bandwagon—the bunch of hopeless.
The presence of enthusiasm that once thrived in me vanished just like bubbles in the air. I succumbed to self-pity then that I started entertaining thoughts about leaving, instilled in my mind the possibility of finding a better niche— somewhere I could start anew. But, the same problem resurfaced. Again, I have lost the courage to pursue as I have things to consider, things not only for me, but for my family as well who hopes to be saved from the harshness of life. In short, I was burdened by responsibilities that it practically turned me into someone who plainly see work as a mere source of income.
I have lost my guiding trail and the will to broaden myself took its back seat. I then resorted to playing as easy-go-lucky kind of employee. However, it does not bother me as I’m not the only one who’s stuck in the same midpoint. We are huge in number, why worry, anyway?
Well, that’s how I am, playing a bit safe in the middle ground. Being in this kind of state made me console myself from the benefits it somehow gives me. Such benefits include lesser stress, mind boggling workloads and take home assignments unlike those workmates of mine, holding high positions who still bring their home office tasks and were forced to answer calls with the matters regarding work even on their off-duty.To say that I’m happy not to experience these, would just add up to my being sarcastic as I am imagining myself that even for one time, for the sake of experience I would feel the same way as them.
Time and again, flies so fast that I enjoyed the comforts of being on the same ground, of being familiar to the ordinary that I became flustered of the so called change. Change has been the subject of my fear, the root of my being stagnant. I feared to leave my comfort zone and just settled with the same environment that used to greet me every day. I have learned to enjoy the company of my friends whom I breathe the same pathetic sentiments with. Sentiments about how grueling the tasks we have, how boring it was to be doing same stuff over and over again, how strict the newly implemented rules are, how annoying the bosses who demand more than we can give, how scant our salary, how unfair the management when it comes to promoting employees, these and many more are the unending plight we tend to face every day.
Yet, I’m still here, seeking an answer to the question “What happened?”
What happened to a once vigorous being so full of wits who thought the world can be his playground?
What happened to his dreams and aspirations?
What happened to me?
That’s the big question I’m starting to unravel as of now. Yesterday, I boarded the shuttle van of those from our regular shift, those who work in the office and I have witnessed how my former comrades who are now promoted were changed by time. As I looked at them, there’s this surge of envy that’s creeping in my nerves. Look at them; they are now the person they envisioned to be. Had I been courageous enough, maybe I am now, like them, successful.
Even things did not go according my way, I realized that God is putting hints for me to veer into another path, a different realm, perhaps, somewhere I can flourish and that is maybe to make use of my hidden talent. But that doesn’t mean I will leave the comforts of being in this job. SunPower has been my companion ever since and all I have for this organization is a big gratitude carved in my heart. Thus, I say, especially to my work friends who had been stuck in the same limbo: Breakaway guys, and to those who are gutsy and had found success in their goals: kudos to all of you.
Seven years is quite long and I’m just unmindful of the contribution I have made for the planet earth and its people. It’s been seven years that I’m changing the way the world is powered through the solar panels crafted by my own hands. It made me feel proud somehow that the organization, on which I am part of, continues to share its noble purpose. And it’s the very thing that matters, I believe.